Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Bigelow's "Taste of the Tropics Herb Tea"

Taste of the Tropics BoxClass: Tisane
Origin: Earth, I think.
Year: The box says "NEW!"
Vendor: Bigelow
Price: $19.75 for 120 tea bags (6 boxes of 20)
Verdict: 1/10

If the taste of artificial sweetener flavored with carb-free tropical fruit juice from concentrate makes your mouth water, you might just like Bigelow's "Taste of the Tropics Herb Tea". Otherwise, stay as far away from it as possible. Frankly, this is just about as awful as it gets. I had a bad feeling about this one right from the start, but as usual, my curiosity got a hold of me. One of my roommates left this box on my desk the other day, so I figured "why not?" (If only I knew then what I know now...)

Let's start with the dry leaf bag. As is frequently the case with tea bags, it was filled with tiny particles, often called dust or fannings. However, this time I was completely unable to identify any of the particles. Taste of the Tropics Bag ContentsI know there is no camellia sinensis (true tea) in there, but beyond that your guess is as good as mine. Some particles were vaguely leaf-textured, some others were crystalline, and the rest looked oddly like bacon bits (I actually kind of wish they were). The best tasting part of the tea bag was the bag itself, in case you were wondering. Strangely, it smells kinda good.

Against all my instincts, I went on and brewed a bag of this stuff. Surprisingly, I found myself with a nice-looking, colorful brew, and a renewed sense of hope. I leaned over to take in the pleasant aroma of tropical fruit... and almost vomited. I would probably call it sickly sweet and intense, but words cannot do justice to this odor-- it pierces your brain and leaves you virtually incapable of performing normal human functions for no less than 5 minutes.

Taste of the Tropics BagAfter I regained consciousness, I picked up the cup, trying not to breathe with my nose, and took a sip. It was unbelievably awful. The brew's flavor began with a gentle citrus pucker, and quickly dissolved into an undiscernable hodgepodge of tropical fruit flavors and artificial sweetener. The strange thing is, the box claims that the contents are "100% natural." How on Earth they made something all natural taste worse than sweet n' low continues to perplex me.

I think it should be fairly clear by now that this is not worth buying, or even accepting as a gift. The only thing that prevented me from making myself vomit was the realization that if I did, I would just have to taste this awful concoction again. Easily a 1/10. Also worth noting is that I have never felt more sickened after a review than I do now.

4 comments:

Mary R said...

Yuk! That sounds absolutely horrendous and I'm sorry you had to suffer through it. The post, however, is hilarious. I adore your wonderful wit and humor at all times, but this one was particularly stellar. From the moment I read "The box says NEW!" I knew it would be fantastic, and you delivered. Rock it!

monstermarlo said...

I don't fruit flavored teas. The only exception is Pom's black tea w/lychee :D

Verity Fisher said...

Ha - I had a similar experience with some Lipton's Orange flavoured herbal tea the other day... I sympathise.

GreenSmock said...

If you only tried this tea hot, you're absolutely correct...it is AWFUL. Iced & sweetened, however, is a different story. I bought a box thinking that it sounded and smelled pretty good. Got it home and made it hot and was repulsed. It sat in my cabinet for well over a year because I didn't have the heart to throw it out.

One day, I just decided to try and make iced tea with it. Well, the tea that was the worst possible taste hot, was AMAZING cold. I couldn't believe it. It was so refreshing. I now make it by the gallon, and it's the first of the iced teas to go in my house.

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